Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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