Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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