before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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