you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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