I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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