bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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