I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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