You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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