Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
