My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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