sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
