i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Houston, we have a blender
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
