she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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