So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
