guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
