bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize