why didn't you poke me back
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Blood and glitter go together right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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