You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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