omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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