Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
