i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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