I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
