I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
