I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize