If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
