Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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