I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
