??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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