I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drunk is not a location!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
