Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
