We need to rekindle our bromance
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
