Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He passed out mid-signature
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
