You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
