I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
