Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
