At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
