It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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