can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
