Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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