man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
