I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So apparently I’m into choking now
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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