Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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