A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
