So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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