doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
