ya dads aren't the best wingmen
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
