I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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