this boner is exhausting
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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