It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
