1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
