I want to have your abortion
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
