I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
