his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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