you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
