After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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