he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
