Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
