I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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