The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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