I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
