I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
