so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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