If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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