This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
