I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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