Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
