I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
