Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
