I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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