Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
