So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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