i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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