Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
