You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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