? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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