Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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