he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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