Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
