She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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