I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
