if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
