did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize