Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize